Help for parents and their babies, expectant mothers and fathers
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I offer support to parents and their babies and to expectant mothers and fathers.
Are you or your partner expecting a baby or are you a parent/carer of a baby and want to improve your relationship with your baby?
Perhaps you have concerns about your feelings towards your unborn
baby or about your baby’s development?
Being a new parent can bring pleasures and uncertainties. It can be a challenging time for many, particularly when accompanied by unexpected or unwelcome thoughts and feelings. It can be hard to process and adjust to finding one’s way as a new parent. Pregnancy and the first year of life is an important time when attachment patterns are forming in baby's developing brain and laying the foundation for their future development.
Parent Infant Psychotherapy (PIP) provides a safe and non-judgemental space to reflect and think about the relationship between you and your baby. Early help can support positive and lasting changes and has the potential to transform negative or unhelpful patterns of relating within the parent/baby relationship.
About Parent Infant Psychotherapy (PIP)
We know that early relational problems, if unresolved, can persist and grow, causing the developing baby problems in managing their feelings and relating to others. I work with mothers, fathers and their babies, who sense that something does not feel right within the relationship.
By working together as early as possible we can prevent difficulties becoming entrenched or damaging. The ‘1001 Critical Days’ document highlights the importance of early intervention and prevention.
PIP allows space for parents to consider their feelings and responses to their baby and for changes to occur in the baby's developing brain which promote conditions for secure attachment.
PIP has the potential to break cycles of generational difficulties. Through a psychoanalytic approach I work sensitively with parents and babies to explore the possible causes of any difficulties and support transformations in patterns of relating.
The good news is that parents always want the best for their babies and are usually open to and responsive to help at this time. Babies too are active and responsive within the relationship and can help in showing the way forward.
The aim is to help babies and parents get to know each other and to develop healthy and responsive attachments.
Who is PIP for?
Pregnancy, birth and the first years of the baby's life can be a vulnerable time for parents and their babies. Often parents, particularly mothers are coping with feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or afraid of their feelings about meeting the demands of their new baby. New parents can feel extremes of emotion such as elation or despair almost simultaneously, which can be destabilising.
Giving birth to a premature or a sick baby can be particularly difficult to process, feelings of loss of the ‘wished for’ or ‘imagined’ baby can provoke feelings of anger, loss and sadness. Often the parental couple find that memories associated with previous miscarriages, terminations or still births can be triggered during the pregnancy, birth or early months and can interfere with their relationship with their new baby.
Even when all goes well in pregnancy and birth parents can experience feeling isolated, adrift and unsure about their new identity and their relationship with their baby. Sometimes parents who are fortunate to have family or friends who are both available and understanding may, in addition, seek a ‘neutral mind’ to talk to. This can be helpful in providing a safe space to explore uncertainty, negative or destructive feelings with honesty and without fear of upsetting others.
Parents seek help when their baby appears unhappy, for example baby has difficulty sleeping, feeding, cries a lot, or is generally unsettled. Parents can struggle to understand what their baby may be communicating and how best to cope. Mothers and fathers who experience ambivalent feelings about having a baby can explore these feelings both individually or together with baby. It can be helpful to include significant figures in the baby’s life such as fathers, partners, grandparents or siblings.
Babies who present with difficulties which may have a relational cause include:
- Babies who do not sleep well
- Babies who cry excessively
- Babies who have problems eating
- Babies who appear overly sensitive, withdrawn, upset or sad
Parents who find it difficult to bond with their baby for a variety of reasons which may include:
- Parents who are struggling to come to terms with pregnancy, the birth or parenthood
- Parents who are having difficulty in understanding their baby
- Parents who feel confused or ashamed of their feelings towards their baby
- Parents who feel isolated, overwhelmed, depressed or traumatised by their baby
- Parents who feel unhappy since having their baby and don’t know why
What can get in the way of getting to know your baby?
- Past or present traumatic pregnancy and/or birth experiences
- Past or present traumatic events such as difficult early experiences, abuse, parental poor physical or mental health, death of a loved one, displacement, poverty, domestic violence, substance misuse
- Past or present mental health difficulties
- Adverse circumstances around conception
- Complex or lengthy routes to conception
- The pregnancy or birth coincides with traumatic events such as a family bereavement, separations or ill health
- One or both of the parental couple experience feelings of a loss of identity
- Baby reminds you, unconsciously perhaps, of someone with whom you have experienced a difficult relationship
- Perhaps a longed-for baby fails to please and feelings of disappointment or guilt prevail
- Past or present post-natal depression or low mood. Talking therapies work for some instead of medication and for many in conjunction with medication
What to expect
What happens in the sessions?
I will provide a comfortable, confidential setting with appropriate play materials for the stage of development of the baby.
Parents/carers are invited to talk, play and interact with their baby and take an active role.
The aim is for mothers, fathers or carers to gain insight and greater awareness as parents and to develop more interest, compassion and connection with their baby. When this goes well, symptoms improve and more secure attachments are formed.
Whilst PIP is not about being a ‘’better parent”, although this is likely to occur as a consequence of the work, it is more about exploring conscious and unconscious feelings, which may be influencing your baby’s healthy development and relationships within the family.
Practical arrangements
All sessions are 50 minutes and the initial consultation is free.
The number of sessions can vary depending on the concerns raised as well as individual circumstances. I have worked with parents for short interventions; even two sessions can be helpful or for longer periods. The focus of the work as well as the number of sessions is regularly reviewed and agreed together. I work face to face or online.
About me
Francesca Rutherford
QTS, B.Ed, MA in Early Childhood Studies, Graduate in Parent Infant Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy at The School of Infant Mental Health, UKCP (reg)
I trained as a Parent Infant Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist (PIP) at the School of Infant Mental Health, I have worked with parents and babies in West Sussex, Croydon Best Start PIP team, for BrightPIP in Brighton and in private practice. I offer face to face and on line sessions.
Prior to training as a Parent Infant Psychotherapist I was a nursery teacher and early years advisory teacher in London and Sussex. In addition I have worked as a Portage manager in Sussex working directly with families and managing a team of professionals supporting parents and their babies/ young children with special needs and disabilities in their homes. I have lectured and written course material for Early Childhood Studies University programmes for North London and Froebel Roehampton.
I draw on my training and extensive experience working with babies, young children and their families to offer thoughts, interpretations and support. I am informed by a psychodynamic approach where together we can think about both parental and the baby’s feelings and behaviours with a view to promoting greater understanding and connection within the infant parent relationship.
I am based near Lewes, East Sussex and see clients locally and online.
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